Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Email - January 6

   I went to Somerton for exchanges this week. It was really fun, I got to speak a lot of Spanish and got to ride a bike and eat Mexican food. I loved it! It is fun to experience new things because I haven't experienced any new areas on my mission.

    This week has been the hardest week of my existence as a missionary. I am done, my strength and tolerance and patience has been all used up. I never ever want to feel this way again in my life. I feel like I am a failure, I have been so depressed and I know the Lord blessed me so much during that Christmas week. I hate writing an email like this but, I have to get it out someway. Thursday, was the worst day I have had in my whole mission. My companion is driving me to heck and so sorry for rambling but Thursday came around and I just couldn't handle it anymore. She just tried and tried to crack me open and make me talk but I don't like to talk and especially to her. I just wanted to be alone and she wouldn't leave me alone. I really am depressed and it is hard as heck but I will NOT EVER GIVE UP!! I am glad I am the one suffering and it is not some other sister putting up with her. We just don't mix and I feel bad because I am bringing down the whole companionship. It is hard to have the spirit when we are not getting along. I'm really sorry for saying all this but it is hard to deal with it alone. I dread waking up in the morning, but I do it anyway. It is not fun. But I did not come out here for fun, I did not come out here for me, I came out here for the Lord, and I am not doing His work well because of these things I feel. One week left of this. I will probably be staying in this area unless they white wash it but who knows. I am absolutely ready for something new but I will probably stay here and I love it here. Sorry I am so unhappy and I am sick of holding it to myself. I know I will grow from this and I already have tremendously!

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